sun 08/12/2019

CD: Cheryl - A Million Lights | reviews, news & interviews

CD: Cheryl - A Million Lights

CD: Cheryl - A Million Lights

Another chapter of no surprises from another entirely predictable modern pop star

Cheryl peeks edgily but sexily past her tattoo into the unknowable future

Apparently Cheryl Cole is now “the nation’s sweetheart”. These days that doesn’t mean broadcasting sung radio support to a besieged island while the Nazis plot our demise 21 miles across the English Channel. No, instead, all it requires is smiling dutifully behind the gnome-like ancient Queen beside a load of passive, botoxed old pop stars while Madness’s saxophonist goofs about as if he were the only actual human being left in the entertainment industry. And then there’s this, her third album.

Do we really have to talk about the music? Surely that’s not the point of Cheryl Cole? Or “Cheryl” - what a fucking yawn - as she now styles herself. She could shit in a bowl and morons would buy it. Millions of them, apparently, probably while bitching about pics of her cellulite in some crap-sheet bought at the checkout at Tesco’s. Snobbery? Bollocks! Cole came from a raw, rough Newcastle background, it’s true, but does that mean her plastic dollybird shtick and songs are in any way pertinent to a ropey UK where brutish fiscal inequality is the name of the game? While an innocuous enough person (once they'd shaved away her temper and ability to say anything interesting), she’s now just another smokescreen drooled over by the dull craven media to keep our eyes off the ball.

The music is forgettable. Well, that’s not quite true, there are a couple of bombastic electro-ballads marinated in dubstep flavour – “Mechanics of the Heart” and the title track - that have shades of interest. The rest, well, Gaga did it brilliantly first and best, and now we must wear these endless re-runs, like “Goober and the Ghost Chasers” to Gaga’s “Scooby Doo”. And any album whose opening song contains the line, “Is this really my life now? I’m over you and I’m sober too.” Come on - is that what it’s all about? Really? In short, no, it really isn’t.

Watch the video for "Call My Name" - supposedly empowering, materially fixated, pole-dancey naffness

Do we really have to talk about the music? Surely that’s not the point of Cheryl Cole?

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Average: 1 (1 vote)

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Your a tool! The whole point of this was meant to be about her music not what your overall opinion of Cheryl is, whether you like her or not you weren't professional in completing the task in hand which was to write a review on her ALBUM, maybe this job isn't right for you...

I think in this case the reviewer is completely justified in what they say, after all the music seems almost an incidental part of Cheryl's 'career', part of a very uninspiring and unimaginative package. I too find it utterly depressing that someone so mediocre in ability seems to have the nation in it's thrall. I just wish people would strive for better than this.

There's a great interview with her on the Popjustice homepage which demonstrates how utterly disconnected she is from the music and how little she knows about it. She's unable to explain what any of the songs are actually about, because they're about nothing. They are songs made of steam, evaporating as soon as they're out there. I also love how the album cover looks exactly like Morgana Robinson's impression of her.

cheryl cole is crap!She cant sing she cant dance she cant speak english she is talentless void of any musical ability and the only thing that might be unusual about her is her cd collection she must be the one who bought all the copies of her last single because anyone with even a smidgeon of musical taste would have shyed well away from any offering by this nonentity.Retire and do yourself and everyone else a favour

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