CD: Ringo Starr - Ringo 2012

If The Wombles had made this it would likely raise a smile despite its lame, lazy nostalgic guitar pop. It even goes as far as to include a feeble version of seminal skiffle song "Rock Island Line". The harsh words it deserves, however, are tempered with pathos, for Ringo 2012 only garners limelight because its creator was drummer for the biggest band of all time. Despite the constant Beatles hagiography of the frotting heritage rock press, these days no one under 50 has personal recall of their epic impact (the rest of us watch BBC Four documentaries and sigh). The Beatles led Western pop culture in a way no other band ever has or likely will. Ringo 2012, then, should be regarded as an amusing turn at the global church fete by a retired clown prince. He’s Ringo fucking Starr! What else is he supposed to do?

Having said that, does he have to involve Dave Stewart? That guy has the inverse Midas touch incarnate and a dark track record of reducing the creative scope of Sixties rock stars. There’s also an Eagle (Joe Walsh), Don Was, Van Dyke Parks, Edgar Winter, one of Tom Petty's Heartbreakers (Benmont Tench) and Ornette Coleman’s bassist (Charlie Haden), yet none raise the thrill bar above a Jeff Beck B-side, despite a Buddy Holly cover and a couple of rehashes of Seventies Ringo tunes, including the "Hotel California"-ish lilt of single "Wings". Meanwhile “Anthem” and “In Liverpool” are the sort of songs Noel Gallagher knocked out for off-form millennial Oasis, the latter a calculated affair (co-written with Stewart, of course) basking in a cheesy hindsight wherein Ringo and “the boys” walked “into Sefton Park and it’s a beautiful day”.

Starr’s third album in 1973 was similarly self-titled and guest-packed but it had a cheeky sass. No one’s expecting gravitas, it’s just a shame it’s so weedy and akin to the very light entertainment The Beatles booted out. It needs a pinch of personal passion – as pre-Ringo Beatles drummer Pete Best’s 2008 album Haymans Green had, oddly enough. But no, Ringo 2012 has no teeth whatsoever.

Listen to "Wings"